Joke's On You
by Kyo-chan
Summary: The blind date was a setup from the start. But what happens when the prank gets turned around? Who's really the one being fooled? **Roy/Ed M/M**
1. Chapter 1

So. There they were.

Roy was actually wearing silk, a button down in a dark green. Ed was sure it was the first time he'd seen Roy in something other than monochrome or military blue. He was doing that stupid slicked back hair thing, though, which he thought made him look ten times more like an arrogant asshole than his normal appearance. At Al's insistence, Ed had worn actual dress slacks instead of his cargos and a button down shirt that didn't look like he'd just pulled it out of a pile. It had been so long since he'd worn something that nice that it had just been hanging in his closet, nearly forgotten. Red, of course. It was his best color after all. As he sat across from his former superior officer, he thought all of his effort not to look and feel as comfortable as possible were wasted. If the glare Roy was leveling back at him was any indication, the emotion was equivalent.

"I'm waiting for someone, Fullmetal, so as much as I'd _love_ for you to stay and chit chat, now is not the time."

"First of all, stop calling me that. Secondly, this was the table I was _shown_ to, you asshole, so maybe if y'got a problem with that, you should take it up with the staff."

Roy did just that, barely remembering to utter an 'excuse me' because why bother with politeness when it was clear Ed wouldn't make the effort, but apparently he still wanted to show off. It made the younger man roll his eyes, and he crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair just enough the front legs lifted off the ground. A few moments later, he returned with the pretty lady who had seated them, who looked at them with no shortage of mirth in her eyes.

"Miss, would you kindly tell him what you just told me?"

The front of Ed's chair came down, and he straightened to give them his full attention. Roy looked pissed, and that was one of his favorite expressions on the man. This was going to be good.

At Ed's eagerness, the hostess swallowed back a giggle and folded her hands in front of her. "Your reservations were made by a third party. I was told if Mr. Mustang showed up second, to show him to Mr. Elric's table, and if Mr. Elric showed up second, to direct him to Mr. Mustang's table. Unless I am mistaken, you are each who the other is supposed to be meeting."

Ed took a moment to pick his jaw up off the floor, and now his expression wasn't that far off from Roy's, whether he realized it or not. "Are you fu-"

"Edward," Roy rumbled in warning, reminding him where they were.

The blond shot a glare in his direction that would peel paint, then turned his best smile back up at the hostess. "You're kidding, right? Someone set this up?"

"Were you told you were going on a blind date?" she asked helpfully.

Slowly, as if it were a horrific fate to realize, the two men slowly turned their heads to look at one another, because 'blind date' was indeed the phrasing that was used. Against his will, heat started to creep into his face, and he knew his skin was turning red. The bastard meeting his gaze looked cold as ice, but Ed knew the flare in his dark eyes well. Usually he was the cause of it, and now he was indirectly the cause of it. Someone else was gonna get it bad.

"Hawkeye," Roy growled.

"Alphonse."

The hostess continued to smile helpfully. "Should I seat one of you gentleman elsewhere?"

"Yes, that would be-"

"No, miss, that's all right," Ed cut in, ignoring the way Roy's eyes widened slightly. "Our table will be just fine. We have some planning to do. Have a seat, Mustang. I hope you know I can eat a lot of food."

"Who said I would be paying?"

"You didn't plan to come on a blind date with someone special and expect to split the bill, did you?"

"Wh-what about you?" Roy sputtered as he sat down, finally rising to the bait. "Were you going to let your date pay?"

"Well, I guess that depends on how much you contribute."

"To what?"

"Our revenge."


	2. Chapter 2

Alphonse waited up for him.

It was just something they did now, especially when one of them took freelance work. If one sibling was arriving home on a late train, the other would stay up. Of course, that practice would be in effect if the other went on a date, and besides, there was no way Al would miss this for the world. It would be so delightful, to see the look on Ed's face when he walked in the door. The best practical joke he'd played in a long time, not since he and Ling had conspired on an escape from the palace to give his advisors a heart attack for half a day. Lan Fan hadn't been too pleased, but he and the emperor to be had managed to get away with it only enduring some mild shouting. It had been worth it, and so would this.

As soon as the door opened, Al put down his book and turned to lean up on the back of the couch.

"So, brother,' how'd it go?"

It wouldn't have taken Ed long at all to realize he'd been set up, and he was just _waiting_ for the fruits of his labor to show, but what he saw when he met his brother's gaze was not what he'd expected at all.

He was smiling.

Not the 'I'm going to kill you if you hold still long enough' smile he got when he did something equally evil, nor was it the 'This is the day I defeat you' smile he saw for their morning spars. No, what was on Ed's face was infinitely more terrifying. In fact, he didn't think he'd _ever_ seen a look like that before in his life. It was like he hadn't even noticed Al's shit eating grin or the obvious eager amusement on his face. He was too distracted for any of that. And if Al hadn't choked on his own surprise enough, Ed opened his mouth.

"It was great, Al. Thank you."

Al's face fell. "Wh-what?"

"It's as if he's a different person."

Hawkeye had spent many years perfecting the art of no reaction. In all that time, it had never had a chance of failing her more than it had this very moment. The last time she had checked, Ed was still crass, foul-mouthed and occasionally arrogant, to the point that putting the general in the same room with him usually resulted in a fight. When Mustang had begun carrying around the strain and tension of the work, she had hoped arranging an outlet would do the trick. But she certainly hadn't expected him to be happy about it.

"I beg your pardon, Sir."

"Fullmetal. Edward." The way he said his dearest antagonist's name made something in her spine shrivel a little bit. "You get him away from the uniform, away from the military, and he's different. I don't know why you got it in your head to set us up." Roy let out a rueful laugh. "I'm glad you did. I never would have known what it was like not to fight with him."

"I. Well. You're welcome. Sir." The words were having a hard time coming to her. This hadn't been what she had anticipated at all. It was the _antithesis_ of everything she could have dreamed up happening. That included yelling, fighting and the high risk of the two of them getting kicked out of the restaurant so they could have it out in the parking lot. Hawkeye supposed if it got that weight off his shoulders, she reached her goal, however roundabout the way. Now the man was humming and doing his paperwork without protest? She had a twinge in her gut telling her this was too good to be true, but the evidence was right there in front of her.

"I didn't even know my face could do that," Ed admitted, wrinkling his nose as he reached for his coffee. The little cafe was crowded, but Havoc had seen them walk into it together, and he would surely give his report to Hawkeye.

"I had to pretend I was so happy with the date, I didn't care I was doing paperwork."

"Fuck, I didn' know you were that good an actor, ol' man. Think she bought it?"

"I think she's surely questioning which of us has lost our minds, but it's working for the moment."

"Betcha there's money on us."

Roy nearly inhaled his coffee. "You think the whole office knows?"

Ed gave him a look that clearly told him not to be so stupid. "D'you remember where y'work? Everyone probably knows when y'fuckin' sneeze so three other people can make sure y'got tea and some cough medicine. It's like fuckin' Risembool but without the sheep."

"I see." Roy looked thoughtful, then a smile crept to his face. "It should end badly."

"What? Us? Like anyone didn' see that comin'. Hell, bet some of 'em though it'd be over before it started."

"No, but think about it. The longer it goes on as if we're stupid for each other, the more off guard they'll be when it happens."

Ed seemed to catch on. "Damn, well, it'll be a shame when you cheat on me, an' I have to call it off. Loudly. Maybe with my fist in your face."

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Fullmetal. What makes you think I'd cheat?"

"I'm a good country boy," Ed said, with all the innocence he could muster in his features. The frightening thing about it was how real it looked. "I would _never_ cheat on my partner."

"I lived with ten older sisters, I know better."

"Well, maybe we'll negotiate on who cheats on who."

"Why don't we negotiate how we break up later. For now, where would you like to go on our next date?"


End file.
